


A Cunning Plan (or Not)

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: Crack, M/M, Playing matchmaker, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valentine's Day is coming up. Calleigh, Alexx and Valera decide it's time to play matchmaker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cunning Plan (or Not)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my livejournal, and beta'ed by sunhawk.

Ryan was in the break room, drinking coffee while going over a case file, certainly minding his own business when he got the feeling he was being watched. Looking around discreetly, he couldn’t find the source of his itch and shrugged it off, going back to his file. Except seconds later, the feeling was back, and he could swear he heard a giggle.

Looking up, he saw Valera, Calleigh and Alexx studiously ignoring him, finding the table in front of them fascinating. Right before they dissolved into a fit of giggles.

‘What are they up to?’ Ryan thought with a sigh – and a little dread. Nothing good, most likely. Especially considering they were still _giggling_.

He surreptitiously looked on as the three of them went back to talking, shooting brief glances in his direction, and okay, that was very bad. 

“What’s up man?” Eric asked, dropping on the seat next to him and no, Ryan didn’t jump three miles in the air – because then he would have hit the roof and it was still intact, wasn’t it? Instead, he nodded in the girls’ general direction with some apprehension.

“I think they’re plotting something.”

Eric smirked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Probably talking about their plans for Valentine’s Day,” he said, like he didn’t find it suspicious at all.

That was when Valera looked up and caught sight of them both. She turned back towards her co-conspirators, whispered something and three pairs of eyes zeroed in on the two of them before cackling evilly.

Ryan shuddered. He was officially scared. And they were definitely up to no good.

Next to him, Eric shifted uneasily. He was starting to see the light. “Okay, I guess you’re right. They _are_ plotting something.”

Horatio chose that moment to step in, talking to Alexx about something, and Ryan swore to himself that if _H_ started giggling, he would run away screaming – and start looking for a wooden coffin. Better yet, send Natalia to look for it – who cared if _she_ got cursed?

Luckily, H remained as sedate as ever. They talked for a few minutes – and no, H wasn’t allowed to plot with them! He was a guy, he was supposed to be on Ryan’s side!

“Want to check a lead with me?” Eric asked generously, and Ryan could have kissed him right there in the middle of the lab.

“Let’s go,” he said, getting up abruptly. And no, he didn’t run out of the room.

\---

Two days later, Ryan was down in autopsy with Alexx, the events already fading from his mind since there had been no re-occurrence of weird behaviour. 

“So Ryan, baby. Do you have plans for Valentine’s Day?” Alexx asked.

“Nah, nothing special. Why?” Ryan answered innocently before realizing his error. The look of glee in Alexx’s eyes confirmed that he had just made a grave mistake. 

“No reason…”

Right… For some reason, Ryan didn’t quite believe her.

\---

Later that day, he came across Alexx and Calleigh whispering together. He would have kept walking hadn’t the mention of his name stopped him in his tracks.

Slowing down, he tried to look as inconspicuous as possible while fully realizing a glass wall wasn’t going to hide him very well. Luckily for him, the girls weren’t looking in his direction.

“Ryan isn’t doing anything for Valentine’s Day. I think we could set them up.”

Ryan had to bite down a groan. He knew it! Alexx was trying to set him up with someone!

“Eric has plans though. I asked him earlier.”

“Damn. Do you think it’s Natalia?”

Ryan frowned. What…

“Possibly. She’s been mooning over him again since her ex-husband died.”

“We have to do something…”

They moved away, and Ryan couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore. Trying to make sense of what he had just heard, he rewound the conversation in his head. Alexx and Calleigh were trying to set him up with someone for Valentine’s Day. They were also trying to set Eric up – though not with Natalia. 

What if… Ryan shuddered, a thought coming to the forefront. What if they were planning a blind date between him and Valera, and Eric and Calleigh. That would explain why they were both involved. And Alexx was… chaperoning! Ryan really _really_ hoped he was wrong – he did like Valera, as a friend. And he was sure Eric felt the same way about Calleigh. That was… bad. Very bad.

He had to warn Eric.

\---

“Eric!” he yelled-whispered at the man, making hand gestures to get him out of the AV lab and into a quieter area.

“I know what they’re up to!” he said. “They want to get us _dates_ for Valentine’s Day. Calleigh for you.”

“What?” Eric sputtered. “You sure about that?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s Calleigh, but it’s someone!” And okay, maybe Ryan was bordering on hysterical here, but think about it! The team’s dynamics, destroyed! Because he certainly wasn’t going to date Valera, no matter how much he liked her, and Eric wasn’t going to date Calleigh. So they were stuck. The girls would be mad, or disappointed – he didn’t know which was worse.

“Ryan, man, breathe. Anyway, I told Calleigh I already had plans.”

Ryan blinked. Right. He had forgotten about that.

“You do?”

Eric fidgeted a little at that, and was that a blush?

“Oh.”

And now, it was Ryan’s turn to blush. Damn, why did he have to do everything wrong today?

“So listen, all you’ve got to do is tell them you already have plans. That way, they can’t set you up with anyone.”

Why hadn’t he thought of that sooner? It was perfect! That way, no one’s feelings would be hurt. Oh yeah, one small problem though…

“I already told Alexx I didn’t.” And he couldn’t lie to Alexx worth shit.

“Tell her you _made_ plans.”

Right. He could do that.

\---

“Hey Alexx!”

“Hey baby. Everything alright?”

“Sure. Guess what? I have plans for Valentine’s Day.”

Smooth, Ryan. Very smooth.

“You do? Who did you ask?” And was that distrust in Alexx’s eyes?

“Just… someone I’m seeing. Can’t say who, we’re keeping it quiet.”

Yeah, that sounded about right, didn’t it?

“Well, Ryan. I’m sure you’ve just disappointed a lot of women,” she said lightly. She still didn’t look like she entirely believed him, but she didn’t outright accuse him of lying.

So far, so good.

\---

Days passed, getting closer and closer to February 14th. Ryan tried to ignore the still-plotting – despite everything – looks on Calleigh, Valera and Alexx’s faces but since none of them brought the subject up again, he figured he was safe. 

Then came _the_ day.

He and Eric had been assigned by H to work a case together, the usual for Valentine’s Day – a woman who hadn’t appreciated the fact that her husband had bought a more expensive gift for his mistress than for her.

It didn’t take that long to close; the wife confessing to the murder, and most of the afternoon was spent waiting for the latest results and writing their reports for the DA. It was getting close to 7 pm when they finally finished up.

“Eric, can I talk to you for a second?” Calleigh asked, popping her head in the Trace lab.

“Sure,” Eric shrugged and Ryan offered a supportive smile before making his way towards the locker room. On his way there, he met Alexx who was carrying what looked to be a heavy box.

“Do you need some help?” he asked.

“If you don’t mind. I need to get that box down to Archives.”

Ryan checked his watch. He still had some time.

“Here, give it to me.”

The two of them made their way down to the basement, Alexx leading the way. She opened the door for him and gestured him forward.

“Where do you want me to put this Alexx?” he asked. The room was dark, and he couldn’t quite see where he was going. However, the only thing that answered him was the resonating sound of the door closing behind him.

“Alexx?” he asked.

No answer. Except?

“Ryan?”

“Eric?”

“What’s going on?”

“No idea.”

Or maybe he did. He had, apparently, gotten it all wrong. The girls hadn’t been planning on setting them up with themselves, but with each other. Dropping the box to the ground, he turned back towards the door and wasn’t surprised to find it locked.

“Great. They locked us up in here.”

“Think you can find the light?”

More fumbling and Ryan finally found the switch. Bright light filled the room and he headed towards Eric, sitting down next to him.

“My phone isn’t working,” Eric offered and Ryan checked his own. Sure enough, there was no signal.

“Great,” Ryan groaned. “We’re stuck in here.”

“Here.” Eric waved a piece of paper around. “Calleigh left that with me.”

 _‘Guys,’_ it said, _‘We’ve decided it was time you two stopped being stubborn and got together. Happy Valentine’s Day! PS: we’ll unlock you in a couple of hours. If we’re wrong – and we’re not – please don’t kill each other!’_

“Oh, that’s just perfect,” Ryan moaned. “What time was the reservation again?”

“8 pm.” Eric answered morosely. “Guess we won’t make it.”

Ryan sighed, and settled more comfortably against to his lover.

“At least they left us some food,” he said, gesturing towards the big heart-shape box of chocolate. 

Eric snorted, dropping a kiss on Ryan’s hair, who angled his head up to get a proper kiss. Which Eric was more than happy to provide, despite the circumstances.

“Think of the bright side of this. At least it’s a first Valentine’s Day together to remember. And payback will be fun.”

Eric thought about it before smiling evilly. Oh yes. Lots of fun.

\---

Two hours later, three expectant women, who clearly had nothing better to do with their free time, opened the door to find Eric and Ryan as far away from each other as the room would allow. They left the room and the lab separately, without talking or looking at each other, leaving the three behind thinking they would never be forgiven.

Then Eric and Ryan met back at Ryan’s place, giggling, and proceeded to have a proper Valentine’s Day celebration.

They would let the girls know they were off the hook – eventually.


End file.
